CONGRATULATIONS! Miranda bachman
I’ve been practicing Bikram Yoga for over three and a half years, although I didn’t think would make it past my first week. It took me weeks to learn how to get through a class without wanting to run from the room screaming, and I’d say about a year to learn how to breathe properly in class.
Breathing in the yoga room was the hardest part for me to overcome. Of course everything was hard at first; the heat, the physical demand, gravity, but no matter how hard I tried to overcome it every class I would find my head spinning, my heart jumping out of my rib cage, and my lungs grasping for air. It was panic. Pure anxiety. Every class I would find myself staring into that mirror, my mind racing, my body heaving, thinking “I can’t do this”. Many classes I would come home and say to my now fiancé “I’m never doing that again,” and every time he would answer “yes you will”…and I always did. And somehow eventually it clicked. Once it clicked in my mind, then the rest just fell into place. I remember a teacher saying “don’t’ fight yourself, you will never win”, and after so many classes of struggling I finally stopped fighting. Then I started listening to my body instead of telling it what to do. I know these sentiments sound like clichéd, “Yodaish” phrases of yoga wisdom, but it became the truth for me. Learning to surrender in that room taught me a lot about myself. If you can learn to be calm and centered in that room, staring in a mirror for 90 minutes while giving your all, pushing your body, sweating your heart out, and above all leaving your ego at the door, then you can get through anything.
Once I learned to breathe properly, and was able to really focus during my practice, I started seeing little changes in my body; things that seemed impossible before started to happen. I felt physically stronger and more flexible than I ever had before in my life, and I was feeling pretty good about my practice.
Then in April 2010 I was T-boned by a speeding SUV, and suffered extensive soft tissue damage in my neck and shoulders. I was unable work for 4 months and off Bikram for 2. Of all the things I was unable do, being away from Bikram was the hardest. And going back was even harder. Not only was I starting from scratch after a 2 month hiatus, but I was working through my slowly healing injuries. Before the accident, I was able to touch my forehead to my knee with ease; after the accident I was lucky if I could get my chin anywhere near my knee. And my rabbit looked like a clumsy two year old miserably attempting their first summersault. It was humbling to say the least.
I learned again how lucky I was to have this yoga. It took me some time to realize that although I was starting over in a sense, it was not like the first time. I wasn’t really starting over, and I hadn’t lost what I had gained; my journey had just changed direction. I was working with a different body, so I had to work harder to pay attention. This was actually an opportunity to learn and grow. I had to learn to be gentle, to listen to my body, to accept myself and my situation just for what it was. The accident was one year ago, and I must say that my practice is now stronger than ever. My body has not fully recovered, and there are things that I still can’t do that I could before the accident; I can just barely get my forehead on my knee (on a good day), and my rabbit is still weak. But in other ways I am stronger, physically and mentally. The great thing is that I am always changing and progressing, growing and learning.
For new students that might be interested, here are some words of wisdom that I have learned over the years:
1) Do not compare yourself to others. The person on your left may be a professional ballet dancer. The person on your right could be dealing with ruptured disk. And the person in front of you might be a professional ballerina with a ruptured disk. The point is that your postures shouldn’t look just like theirs, so don’t expect them to. Just learn to do it the right way, and do the best you can.
2) Go with the flow; don’t resist your emotions. Back in the day when I used to have the panic feeling in class, there were days where I felt so emotional that I was fighting back tears. One day a teacher noticed this, and when she saw me turn to hide my face during a Savasana she told me to stop, and sit up and look at the mirror instead. She said that there are many ways that people detox, and I was just going through one of them. She explained that hiding it would reinforce that the emotion was a bad thing, but by facing myself and the class I was accepting it for what it was. I was mortified at the time, but soon discovered that when I stopped resisting so much, the urge to cry went away. It was kind of cathartic, and I did not struggle with crying after that.
3) Lighten up. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t be judgmental, and have fun. Just remember that although it never gets easier, this yoga does get better. Some days you’re on, and then some days you might be a little off, but don’t forget to always be good to yourself; that’s what we’re here for.
This yoga has taught me so much. Through my practice I’ve learned how to be more in the moment, and let go of my expectations. I never know what to expect with a class, I just know that I always feel so much better after practicing than I did before. And I know that the more often I go, the better I feel; I stand straighter, have more energy, sleep better, eat better, and feel calmer. And it’s fun. I love that there are studios all around the world where you can practice in a room full of sweating yogis, morning or night, 7 days a week. I love that even though the postures are always the same, every class is completely different. This yoga is always challenging and inspiring, and that keeps me coming back.
- Miranda Bachman
The one thing that has stuck with me about my first yoga class wasn't the heat, or how hard the postures were, or how self-conscious I was looking at myself in the mirror for an hour and a half, or how much I wanted to guzzle a cold gallon of water. It was how much of an dummy I felt like bringing a small face towel. "She said bring a towel, she didn't say how big. I'm sweating so hard. My mat is soaked. I'm such an idiot. "
